Is your ex really over you? It can be hard to tell.
After a breakup, it’s natural to want to look like you’re over it, even if you’re not. When you see your ex, you probably don’t want him to know that you’re still missing him every day, right? It’s the same for him.
Even if he was the one to decide to break up with you, his pride isn’t going to let him show you directly that he’s not really over you. He’ll want you to believe that he’s moved on and is completely happy without you. The reality might be very different. Even if he’s seeing other people, he could still be wishing he was with you.
How can you tell whether he’s really over it or not? It’s hard to move on yourself until you’re 100% sure. You don’t want to get into something new with Mr Just-about-OK if Mr Right is still holding a candle for you.
In this article, you’ll learn what things your ex says and does that show he really wants to be back with you.
1. He wants to stay in contact
This is the number one sign that your ex isn’t really as over you as he likes to make out. If you’re still talking, you’re still in the game. Think about the breakups you’ve had before ‒ if you were relieved to break up, you probably just wanted to distance yourself. If you were having doubts, you would try to stay in touch.
If he’s not really over you, he’ll probably initiate contact regularly. He can’t help himself, because he’s thinking about you often. He might be worried that if he doesn’t stay in touch, you’ll start to forget him, and that’s the last thing he wants.
2. You catch him looking at you
Think back to when you first met your ex and you were falling in love. You probably caught him looking at you intensely when he thought you couldn’t see. He did this because his feelings were growing and he just couldn’t get enough of you.
Now, he’s looking at you because he’s thinking back to those times. He knows he’s not really over you, and he’s wondering what it would be like to fall in love all over again.
3. Want advice specific to your situation?
While this article will shed light on the main signs your ex isn’t over you, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to your unique situation…
Relationship Hero is a popular site where highly trained relationship coaches help people work through complex relationship issues, like dealing with an ex. Their popularity boils down to how skilled their coaches are.
Why am I so confident that they can help you?
Well, I recently experienced a tough patch in my own relationship, and I reached out to them for help. From the moment I got in touch, I was given genuine, helpful advice, and was finally able to see my relationship issues with real clarity.
I was blown away by how kind and empathetic my coach was.
Within minutes, you could find out what your ex really wants from you and how to proceed, depending on what you want from him.
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4. He’s acting erratically
Pretending to be over someone is hard work and almost impossible to maintain without some kind of consequence.
If you’re constantly trying to make out you’re not feeling things that you feel very deeply, those feelings are going to come out somehow.
This will likely happen differently for everyone. Perhaps you find out, or you see, that your ex is drinking much more than usual, and even ending up doing things he wouldn’t normally do, like staying out until morning or getting into fights.
The urge to drink after a breakup is common, but if he keeps drinking after the initial mourning period, that’s a sign he’s not getting over it and still wants you.
He might also be acting erratically towards you or to other people. Maybe he seems angry, and blows up at friends over the slightest thing. Or perhaps if he sees you, he’s stand-offish sometimes, and super-friendly at others.
All these are indications that his head is a mess and he’s putting on a front with you.
5. He’s with someone else, and making sure you know about it
People often go straight out to find someone new to help them over a breakup ‒ the classic rebound relationship. But rebounds are rarely healthy partnerships. Sometimes, people will get into a rebound relationship purely to have someone to show off to their ex.
If your ex is with someone new, and can’t stop flaunting her, he might just be doing it to try and make you jealous. Is he constantly posting pictures of them together on social media? Is he excessively hands-on with her if he knows you can see them? Does he go all-out with grand gestures (like dozens of red roses on Valentine’s Day), even though you know that’s just not his style?
If it looks like your ex’s new relationship is a performance… it probably is. The opposite might happen too. He could be seeing someone to try and get him over you, but not want you to know about it.
6. He left stuff at your place
Is your ex’s favorite pair of jeans still in your drawer? Has he left his console still plugged into your TV, .and even though he keeps promising to pick it up, he never quite gets to it? Is the recipe book he cooked your romantic dinners from still sitting, unused, in your kitchen?
Leaving a toothbrush in your bathroom doesn’t mean a lot, but if your ex has left significant personal items (whether emotionally or financially significant), then that’s a good sign he’s not over you.
He didn’t take them in the first place because he was never 100% sure he wanted to break up, and now he won’t pick them up because he doesn’t want to seal the deal.
Leaving stuff at yours also means he has a golden excuse to come see you…
7. He’s jealous if he sees you with someone else
If your ex is over you, he’ll be OK with you seeing someone else. It might be a bit awkward to introduce your ex and your new guy, but he won’t be jealous or unhappy.
If he’s not really over you, then there’s a good chance he’ll find seeing you with another guy really hard. He’ll be jealous, maybe even angry (though he might not let you see it).
Even if the guy you’re seeing is just a casual date, rather than anything serious, it’ll really sting for him to see you together. He knows it means you’re moving on, and he’s scared he’s lost his chance to get back with you for good.
If you want to make your ex even more jealous, try sending him this text:
— “I think it was a great idea that we decided to start dating other people. I do just want to be friends right now!” —
By saying this, you’re telling your ex that you’re actually dating other people right now… which will in turn make them jealous.
We’re all attracted to people wanted by others. By saying that you’re dating around already, you’re pretty much saying that “it’s your loss!”
I learned this text from Brad Browning, hands down my favorite “get your ex back” online coach.
Here’s a link to his free online video. Brad gives a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately to get your ex back.
8. He offers to help you out
When you were a couple, you probably helped each other out with chores and tasks you didn’t like or weren’t good at, like mowing the lawn or putting up shelves.
If your ex is completely over you, he’ll probably just be glad he doesn’t have to do that any more. If he’s not entirely over you, then he’ll keep on offering to help ‒ partly because he wants to, partly because it’s a way to see you.
Your ex still wanting to help you is a tell-tale sign of something deeper at play too.
9. He keeps being where you are
Do you keep on finding that your ex is in the same places as you are? He knows your routine, so if this keeps on happening, it’s likely not by chance.
Does he just happen to turn up at your favorite coffee shop?
Or has he started bringing his friends to the bar he knows you and your friends always hang out in?
These are not coincidences. He’s doing it because he wants to be close to you (and maybe to check you’re not with another guy too).
10. His friends contact you
If your ex isn’t over you, chances are he’s talking to his friends about you a lot. And if he is, they might well be offering to try and scope out the chances of a reunion. They know your ex better than anyone, so even if he isn’t admitting that he’s not over it, they’ll know he’s not by the way he talks about you.
If you haven’t seen your ex much, or talked to him, since you broke up, it could also be that he’s asked them to get in touch with you. He probably knows that if he contacts you, it’ll look like he’s still interested. If he gets his friends to do it, he thinks that maybe you won’t realize his feelings.
11. He’s trying too hard to prove he’s over it
If your ex isn’t over you, but he wants to look like he is, he might start doing things to deliberately make you think you’re history.
Maybe he’s posting memes about happiness or moving forward, even right after your breakup. Or when you see him, he’ll talk at length about all the new hobbies he has, all the vacations he’s planning and, perhaps, even all the dates he’s been on.
He wants you to think he’s moved on, because he’s not quite able to deal with the idea that he hasn’t.
12. He replies quickly to your messages
If your ex is hoping to get back with you, he’s going to be constantly hoping that you’ll message him. And when you do, he might just not be able to help replying straight away.
Think about how you feel when someone you don’t really want to talk to messages you. You probably leave it for a while before replying, getting on with whatever you were doing and only sending a message back when it suits you.
But when someone who you really want to hear from messages? Then you know you won’t be able to focus on anything else until you’ve replied, so you do it right away.
I learned this from relationship expert Brad Browning.
Brad’s probably the most popular ‘get your ex back’ expert on the internet. He doesn’t claim to be a guru, but he does dispense very practical advice based on sound relationship psychology.
Check out his excellent free video here.
I’ve recently read an eye-opening statistic from Brad. He claims that, in his experience, 90% of relationships can be salvaged. While that sounds high, I think he’s absolutely on the money.
Couples get back together all the time. And they end up having better relationships for having spent time apart.
If you want to learn some ingenious tips and tricks to get back with your ex, watch Brad Browning’s free video here.
13. He comments on your social stuff all the time
Do you find that every time you post a new picture on Instagram, even if it’s just of a night out with your girls or a family party, he’ll pop up with a like and a comment?
An occasional like might not mean much, but if he always seems to be there as soon as you post, you can bet he’s thinking about you a lot. When he sees a post of yours, he’s feeling bad that he’s not part of your life any more.
14. He can’t help touching you when he sees you
This might just be the surest sign of all that he’s not really over you.
He might be saying he is, but when he sees you, he just can’t help brushing against you, or putting his hand on your knee, or sitting just a little too close.
He’s not necessarily planning these things or deliberately trying to get you back. It’s just that you’re there, and his feelings are still strong enough that he’s not entirely in control.
Here’s what you need to remember
It’s natural for your ex to want you to believe that he’s completely over you.
In the weeks and months after your breakup, he’ll pretend he’s over you, even if he’s not, because he’s trying to make himself feel better about it. He’s probably thinking ‘fake it until you make it’, and trying to move on by looking like someone who’s moved on.
But some of the things he says and does might make you wonder if he’s really as over it as he claims to be. If you’re not over him either, and you’re wondering if you two might have a chance at trying again, this can be hard to process. You can’t move on until you’re sure there’s no hope, but you don’t want to look crazy or stupid by having a make-up chat unless you’re certain he feels the same as you do.
Here’s how you can tell:
- You’re still talking, often. If he can’t let you go, he’ll want to keep on talking to you.
- He looks at you lovingly ‒ because he just can’t help himself.
- He’s acting out of character, and perhaps drinking to excess.
- He’s flaunting his new woman to make you jealous.
- He replies instantly every time you message.
- He still wants to help you out with stuff.
- Some of his favorite things are still at your place.
- He just seems to turn up, wherever you happen to be.
- His friends call you, even if you don’t know them that well.
- He’s posting memes or telling you stories to try and prove he’s over you.
- He doesn’t like it when he sees you with another guy.
- He constantly likes and comments on your posts.
- He can’t help brushing your arm or putting his hand on your knee.
If your ex isn’t over you, he’ll probably be doing things to try and prove to you that you’re history, while also finding reasons to be close to you. He’s not deliberately trying to confuse you, he just misses you and doesn’t know how to handle it.
Do you want to get back with him?
If the signs in this article show you he’s not over you, what’s your next move?
True love is hard to find and getting back together after a break up is the right choice for a lot of couples.
Whenever someone asks me about getting back with an ex, I also recommend they check out relationship expert Brad Browning.
He’s probably the most popular ‘get your ex back’ expert on the internet. He doesn’t claim to be a guru (there are plenty of other experts out there who claim that), but he does dispense very practical advice based on sound relationship psychology.
Check out his excellent free video here. You’ll see immediately that he knows that he’s talking about.
I’ve recently read an eye-opening statistic from Brad. He claims that, in his experience, 90% of relationships can be salvaged. While that sounds high, I think he’s absolutely on the money.
The key is to identify what went wrong in the first place, and to make a few positive changes to yourself and your relationship.
If you want a concrete plan to get back with your ex, watch Brad Browning’s free video. He gives away several of his strategies you can start doing straight away.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
Click here to get started.
The above link will give you $50 off your first session - an exclusive offer for Love Connection readers.
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- They're giving mixed signals.
- They blame you for the breakup.
- They're angry with you.
- They're keeping in touch with you.
- They flirt with you.
- They're bringing up memories.
- You still have some of their things.
- They're sabotaging you.
- They keep texting or calling you. ...
- They follow you on social media. ...
- They don't return your stuff. ...
- They contact your friends, or their friends contact you. ...
- They cross your path. ...
- They get jealous or want to make you feel jealous. ...
- They are not moving on.
- You still want your ex in your life. ...
- You think you'll one day be together. ...
- Movies remind you of your ex. ...
- You're jealous of couples. ...
- You compare everyone to your ex. ...
- Your ex is dating someone new, and you're stilling hung up on him or her.
- They Make Attempts To Stay In Touch. ...
- They Keep You Updated. ...
- They Get And Want To Make You Jealous. ...
- They Pretend That They Need Your Help. ...
- They Keep Bringing Up Your Memories Together. ...
- They Tell You How Far They Have Come. ...
- They Keep Checking With Mutual Friends About Your Well-being.
If he avoids seeing you at all costs even though it is important, it is one of the signs he is heartbroken over you. He knows that when he sees you, the memories will come flooding, and it might be too much for him to handle. Also, he would ensure avoiding places where you are likely to show up.Does my ex miss me even though we don't talk? ›
Yes, an ex misses you during No Contact. They miss you because they no longer have what they used to have. Your ex misses you even though you don't talk because they have time to adjust to your absence. This will help them reflect and miss you more.How do you know if he still thinks about you? ›
If he wants to know more about you, it's likely that he's been thinking about you. He may also ask you questions or get your opinion about something to see what you think, which is another major clue that you're often on his mind. If he says, “I was wondering what you like to do for fun.How do you know that your ex has moved on? ›
- Communication Dwindles. Relationships are built on interactions, and if you're not in touch in one way or another — in person, on the phone, or elsewhere — there's not really a relationship. ...
- Interactions Become Less Fun. ...
- Interactions Become Less Awkward. ...
- They Get Serious With Someone Else.
Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.Does my ex still think of me? ›
If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. Another big sign is social media. If they somehow didn't get rid of you via an unfriending or straight block, it might mean they miss you.
- Do Not Try To Contact Them. ...
- Do Not Receive Their Calls And Respond To Their Texts. ...
- Reinvent Yourself. ...
- Meet New People And Make New Friends. ...
- Talk To Their Friends. ...
- Check Out The Outside Dating World. ...
- Take A Vacation. ...
- Be Active On Social Media.
A study of 3,512 people found that only 15% got back together with their ex. Another 14% briefly reunited only to break up, and a whopping 70% called it quits for good after their break-up.What do guys do when they are heartbroken? ›
Most men vented to their friends (61 percent of guys, compared to 76 percent of women), while others threw themselves into work (41 percent of men, compared to 44 percent of women). Another 24 percent of men said they treat themselves post-breakup (Xbox, anyone?), while 15 percent admitted to comfort eating.What does a real broken heart feel like? ›
Some people describe it as a dull ache, others as piercing, while still others experience it as a crushing sensation. The pain can last for a few seconds and then subside, or it can be chronic, hanging over your days and depleting you like just like the pain, say, of a back injury or a migraine.Do breakups hit guys later? ›
While the stereotype is that a breakup hits men a lot later, emerging research conducted with 184,000 participants found that men seem to be more affected by the loss of a relationship.Can an ex miss you but not want you back? ›
Someone can miss you but not actually want to get back together. They may think you're great, claim to be crazy about you, or miss the things that ensured they got their needs met, but they don't miss you that much.Do dumpers miss their ex? ›
In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting.Do guys start miss their ex? ›
When guys start to miss you after a breakup depends on the man and his relationship. For some men, it may take weeks, while for others, missing their ex doesn't start until months later. Nonetheless, guys start missing you when they realize how important you are or how much your absence affects their lives.How do you know if you are on someone's mind? ›
This is because your mind is trying to create tension. It feels you being mentioned by someone else and so it is trying to warn you to open your eye and look around. Even hiccups are a sign of someone thinking about you. They're one of the signs of a tense mind and negative energy.
He Intrigues You
For some reason, you find yourself curious about him and constantly speculating about him in your mind. It makes sense that you can't stop thinking about him because he piques your interest. Simple things in your day might trigger your mind to think about their perspective or reaction to them.
So, even if they have not signed a Lease Agreement and do not pay rent, it is probably best for you to treat them like a tenant. This means a smart first step is a written Eviction Notice explaining that they must move out within a certain amount of time, generally 30 days or four weeks.Why am I so obsessed with my ex? ›
You may be having these feelings due to something else, such as nostalgia. You may love the person you used to be, or love them for who they were. Other times, you have a personality that makes you obsessed. If you do want your ex back, and the feeling is mutual, then perhaps it's time to get back together.How do you not worry about what your ex is doing? ›
- Distract yourself so you're literally too busy to even think about them. ...
- Establish some boundaries with yourself. ...
- Give yourself some time to feel sad, or mad, or angry, or literally whatever. ...
- Understand that you may still have lingering feelings for this person, and that's okay. ...
- Indulge in alllll the self care.
Reaching out to apologize to an ex for your hurtful actions can be really meaningful to them, as long as it's about making them feel validated and not just about clearing your own conscience. Sometimes it can also be helpful to let your ex know the ways they've hurt you.Do all exes think about you? ›
If you two have been out of the relationship you had for a long period of time, the odds that they think about you often, other than a passing moment here or there, is slim. But if it's been days, weeks, or less than 6 months from the breakup, the odds are that your ex thinks about you quite a bit.Can lost feelings come back? ›
Even if your relationship has been stale for years, if both of you are willing to work things out despite losing feelings for each other, it can eventually come back. Trust me on this one: feelings of “love” come and go, it ebbs and flows.How do you make your ex regret losing you? ›
How To Make Your Ex Regret Leaving You
- Follow the no-contact rule. ...
- Give him what he wants. ...
- Move on. ...
- Get strong again. ...
- Don't take him back.
- Stay away a bit. ...
- Don't argue at all. ...
- Never ever talk about past experiences. ...
- Focus on yourself. ...
- Be the future you.
Snag your ex's attention by reaching back out, spending time together, reminding them of happy memories, and acting casual and confident. Finally, discuss getting back together. Talk about what went wrong in the past and let your ex know that you're willing to work to be a better partner.Do soulmates break up? ›
But if we happen to face reality, we don't always end up with our soulmates. It can be absolutely heartbreaking to let go of someone so precious, but sometimes, it's probably for the best. You have to know this always: just because you two are soulmates, doesn't mean you two will be soulmates forever.
Key points. Research finds that 40-50 percent of people have reunited with an ex to start a new relationship. On-again relationships tend to suffer lower relationship quality and worse functioning than never-broken relationships. People often resume relationships with ex-partners because of lingering feelings.Can exes fall in love again? ›
Yes, it's perfectly possible for an ex to fall back in love with you. In fact, the statistics show that as many as 50% of couples who break up end up getting back together again.How do you know if your ex wants you back but is scared? ›
One of the most obvious signs your ex wants you back but is scared is that she still talks to you. In some instances, if she were done with you, she wouldn't want anything else to do with you. On the other hand, if she is communicating with you, she doesn't want you out of her life.How do you know if your ex regrets? ›
- They begin to communicate with you.
- They apologize for the breakup.
- They show more affection.
- They discuss issues in their present relationship.
- They try to atone for past mistakes.
- They show pessimism when you tell them someone else is involved.
- They stalk you.
When you take those four legitimate studies and average them all together, you're looking at roughly 48.25% chance that your ex may want you back at some point in the future.Do dumpers regret later? ›
Generally speaking, some dumpers regret their decision to break up only weeks after the incident. Other dumpers need years to feel that way. And some never even arrive at the final stage of dumpers remorse. Instead, they move on to someone else — be it a rebound or not.How do you know if your ex is sad about the breakup? ›
- He's in denial.
- He disappears and is completely unavailable.
- He tries to communicate or interact even more.
- He jumps into a rebound relationship.
- He trash talks you.
- He makes big life changes.
- He flirts openly in front of you.
- He seems lost or depressed.
Without any prompting, expect to hear from your ex any time between 8 and 75 days. There is almost always the intent and desire to reach out to your ex.Do exes come back after losing feelings? ›
Dozens of examples show it's definitely possible to get an ex back who lost feelings for you. But it's also unpredictable. If you have a very specific idea of exactly how things will go, you're setting yourself up for a lot of disappointment and frustration, and making it very hard for yourself to succeed.