16 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You (But Isn't) - Her Norm (2023)

Are you wondering whether your ex wants to get back with you?

Do you suspect that he’s pretending to be over you?

Are you looking for ways to find out how he actually feels?

If so, you’re in the right place. This guide reveals 16 common behaviours of men who are pretending to be over their ex.

However, before these are revealed, I urge you to read the following sentences carefully.

It’s usually very difficult to get an accurate impression on how your ex is doing after a break-up.

Men are often keen to put on a brave face, rather than reveal their true emotions.

The problem is: this makes it difficult for women to reach out and ask for them to come back. After all, no-one wants to be rejected twice…

That’s why I would like to tell you about this powerful online communications tracker.

This intelligent and discreet tool only needs some of your ex-partner’s basic details to get started.

Once it has these, it can generate a huge database of information regarding his recent communications history.

You’ll find out who he has been contacting, what apps and online services he’s been using and that’s just the beginning.

More often than not, this tool will paint an accurate picture of how your ex-partner is getting on without you.

Our list of signs that he’s pretending to be over you will prove extremely helpful too. Scroll down to read it.

Table of Contents

Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You

1. You Are Still Talking

Keeping the lines of communication open after a break-up is a very promising sign. People that don’t like each other don’t tend to want to talk to one another. So if your ex is still happy to chat, whether via text or on the phone, consider this to be an encouraging sign that they want to get back with you.

If your ex was over you then it is more likely they would want to cut off all contact. I mean, why hang onto a broken failed relationship? Most of us want to move on with our lives, not stay tied to something that didn’t work.

It’s very possible that your ex still has feelings for you, they might just fear rejection, or they may not know how you are feeling.

2. Your Ex Is Always Around

What usually happens when two people break up is that they don’t see each other very often. But if you’re finding the reverse to be true it could be a sign your ex is pretending to be over you.

I don’t know about you but I tend to avoid places I know my ex will be. After all, who wants to bump into someone that dumped them or someone they have dumped?

It’s embarrassing, right? So trust me, if you find that no matter where you go your ex seems to pop up out of the shadows, it’s no coincidence, my friend. He’s there for a reason.

3. Your Ex Can’t Stop Looking At You

Now say you’ve spotted your ex popping up in bars or while you’re out shopping, do you keep catching his eye? Body language is a tell-tale sign that we cannot control.

Does he keep averting his eyes every time you look at him? Does he seem to gaze at you as if he’s daydreaming then suddenly realize you’ve clocked him looking at you?

When we are attracted to something or someone we want to look at the object of our desire. It’s a very powerful feeling. We are drawn to staring without noticing that we’re even doing it.

So this is one of those very good signs that your ex wants you back. He literally cannot look away from you.

4. Your Ex Keeps Finding Excuses To Meet Up

If you haven’t bumped into your ex recently has he texted or called you with silly excuses to meet up? When you receive the text or call do you think to yourself ‘well this could have been resolved with a phone call or another text, we didn’t have to meet up.’

Perhaps your ex needs your advice about a problem and wants to see you face to face? Or maybe you’ve left something at his place and he wants to be sure you get it back.

Whatever the reason, and no matter how trivial, your ex always seems to find reasons for the two of you to get together. And when you do he seems to be very flirty and complimentary about you. He might comment on what you’re wearing or your hair.

5. Your Ex Leaves Their Stuff At Your Place

16 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You (But Isn't) - Her Norm (1)

Being dumped is such a final act some people find it hard to process. So what they do is leave a tiny thread of connection to their ex-partner. This can be in the form of leaving items of theirs at their partner’s place.

Now they have a reason to call or text or even visit. There’s still a slim connection to that person, even though it’s really tenuous. A lot of people who didn’t want the relationship to end will do this on purpose. This is so they can at least meet up one more time.

The ex that clears out all their belongings and doesn’t give you a backward glance as the moving van leaves your drive is not likely to be pretending to be over you.

6. Your Ex Is Always Offering To Help Out

So you put out this problem you've been struggling with on Facebook and what do you know, your ex is offering to help. Normally when two people break up there’s no love lost between them. So the last thing you can expect is an offer of help.

It’s either a sign the pair of you ended on really good terms or, that he’s pretending he’s over you.

Think about it, we don’t really help people we don’t care about or those who we have no feelings for. So either way, if he’s always there, with a helping hand, it’s a very good sign. You should recognize it as a sign he could want to get back together.

We only help those we really like. And if he puts off other people to get to and help you first then perhaps you two should have a little chat about your future.

7. Your Ex Always Responds In A Good Way To Your Texts

Does your ex always respond positively to your texts, no matter what time of day or night? This goes back to them willing to help you out. If they are happy to chat and answer quickly it’s a really good sign.

This indicates that they want to keep the communication going. That they are happy you texted them and are responding quickly so that you understand this.

They hope you’ll keep texting and that maybe they can rekindle the relationship at some further date. This is especially good if they maneuver the conversation towards your personal feelings about the relationship.

8. Your Ex Stays In Touch With Your Friends

Usually what happens when two people break up is that your friends stop talking to your ex. It’s kind of an unwritten rule. After all, they’re your friends, they’re nothing to do with your ex, you were the connection and now you are gone.

So it’s quite something if your ex is still happy to chat with your friends. Don’t forget, you are the common denominator. It’s even more of a good sign if he asks about your wellbeing or what you are up to.

It’s a very good sign if he takes your friends into his confidence and shares his feelings for you to them. He might want your friends to pass on messages from him or to share hints about how he’s feeling about you.

Ask your friends if he always brings you up in conversation. Another good sign is if he’s always complimentary about you.

9. You Hear From Their Friends

Do you remember being young and you’d get your friend to go up to a boy you liked in the playground and tell him you fancied him? Well, it’s not that different when we’re older, just a little more subtle.

Some guys are shy and reserved and once they’ve been rejected their confidence is shattered. So to save face they’ll get their friends to go out on a reconnaissance mission to find out how you are feeling.

You may get a text out of the blue from one of his friends just chewing the fat. Or it might be a family member asking about your wellbeing. Just be aware that this is your ex reaching out, testing the waters to see how the land lies.

10. Your Ex Tries To Make You Jealous

16 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You (But Isn't) - Her Norm (2)

They say the best revenge is to live well, but some people have to go above and over this mantra. Making someone jealous is a sign of intense emotion. Just think for a moment; if we are indifferent about the feelings of someone we don’t go to all the trouble of making them feel something.

So if your ex is bragging about his new girlfriend or a great job or that he’s bought a new car or house, you can bet he’s trying to get your attention. Your ex might suddenly be posting all over social media. You may see photos of him out having fun with his mates, bar-hopping and drinking shots.

Or he may post holiday pictures where he seems to be having an amazing time. There are several reasons why people want to make someone in their life jealous. But the main one is that in some way they still care about that person.

11. Your Ex Gets Jealous And Envious

Now when we’ve ended a relationship our ex-partner has no hold over us anymore. They have no right to question our behavior, our actions, or our motives. So if your ex is acting in a jealous way it’s a sign he still has feelings for you.

When we are jealous we covet what the other person has. In other words, we want what they’ve got. So has your ex started making snide remarks about your posts on social media? Maybe you’ve been getting some nasty late-night texts or calls from him questioning what you’ve been up to.

Has your ex been slagging you off to your friends or his friends and you’re getting reports back? Have you started a new relationship and your ex is acting in a negative way towards the pair of you?

Jealousy is a sign your ex is pretending to be over you.

12. His New Girlfriend Is Jealous Of You

I have a friend who once dated a guy for over ten years. It was a mutual decision to split up with no animosity between them. However, when my friend’s ex started dating someone new things took a very strange turn.

My friend had to collect the last of her belongings from her ex’s house. The new girlfriend had already moved in. When my friend went to the house the new girlfriend kept her standing outside in the cold for 20 minutes. My friend could hear her ex arguing inside. Suddenly the door was flung open and my friend’s belongings were thrown out onto the lawn.

It turns out that my friend’s ex’s friends all loved my friend. They didn’t like the new girlfriend at all. In fact, they would talk about my friend in glowing terms in front of the new girlfriend. Not nice I know, but it certainly wasn’t my friend’s fault. If anything it proved that the ex’s friends wanted them to get back together!

13. Your Ex Likes To Reminisce About The Past

If things ended amicably between the two of you it’s more than likely that you still speak to each other. If your ex likes to remind you about the good times it’s a sign he’s pining for the past. He might tag you in a holiday picture of the pair of you on Facebook.

Or he may share a memory about the two of you that reminds him of happy times. Your ex might even go through previous arguments or disputes and try and rehash them to make sense of what happened.

He might want to put across a different argument or take your side and apologize. Whatever way he reminisces about the past, it will be him regretting the break-up and wanting you back.

14. Your Ex Is Bettering Himself

Has your ex suddenly started going to the gym and working out? Has he changed his profile picture to one where he looks ripped and lush? Has he bought himself a whole new wardrobe after a makeover? Has he never looked this good?

It might be that he’s got himself a new job in the city that pays well. Or he may have purchased a flash new car. Basically, is your ex showing off?

There are a couple of reasons for this. He could be trying to grab your attention, or he could be trying to make you jealous of his accomplishments. Either way, it’s a sign he’s bothered about what you think of him.

15. His New Girlfriend Looks Exactly Like You

16 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending To Be Over You (But Isn't) - Her Norm (3)

We all have a certain type; it can be a look, or personality, or even body shape. But if your ex has quickly begun dating your look-a-like it’s probably a good sign he’s not over you yet.

So, does she have the same hair color or style? Does she dress in a similar fashion to you? Is she a pale imitation of you? Have other people commented on the resemblance?

It’s possible that your ex is having trouble moving on from your relationship. He could be finding comfort in dating someone who looks exactly like you. For all intents and purposes, in his mind it is you!

16. Your Ex Still Touches You Physically

When we like someone we automatically and without thinking like to touch them. It’s a reflex action we cannot control. We have this innate need to reach out and connect in a physical way to the person that is making us happy.

Whether it’s a touch on the shoulder, the elbow, or the knee; we have to make contact with that person. It’s a powerful way of cementing a strong feeling we have with the other person. In fact, hypnotists use this touch to anchor positive feelings.

So if you find that your ex literally can’t keep his hands off you (in a non-threatening way of course) it’s a positive sign he’s pretending to be over you.


Why Is My Ex Pretending To Be Over Me?

When we are hurt we don’t like to let our ex-partners know how we're feeling. It’s much easier to pretend we don’t want to get back together than to admit we are heartbroken.

What Does It Mean When Your Ex Hides From You?

This is one of those signs he will never come back. If you don’t see or have contact with your ex, you can bet he has found someone else. There’s little chance of getting back together or rekindling the relationship.

How Do You Know If Your Ex Still Cares About You?

There are signs your ex will eventually come back to you. One of the main ones is if he stays in contact with you. Communication is key here. If he still texts and calls or follows you on social media there’s a good chance you can get your ex back.

Why Does My Ex Avoid Eye Contact When He Sees Me?

There are several reasons for this; one is that your ex is embarrassed to see you because he still wants you back, the other is that he’s not interested. It’s what he does next that’s important. Does he smile or look away again? Does he text you later? Put this into context to get the true meaning.


It’s difficult to understand the thoughts and actions of an ex-partner. None of us are mind-readers; life would certainly be much easier if we were!

But there are certain signs that point to what a person is feeling. Knowing what these signs are can help us to make better decisions about our own futures.

So, that’s my take on the signs your ex is pretending to be over you. What do you think? Have I missed any out? Let me know in the comments section below.


What is Breadcrumbing from an ex? ›

What Is Breadcrumbing? Breadcrumbing is when we're shown tiny bits of interest or affection at a time from someone, whether they're a romantic suitor or an ex – but not enough for us to assume interest. They might send an out-of-the-blue text or leave a flirty comment on our latest selfie or invite us out to coffee.

How do you know when your ex is truly done with you? ›

How To Know Your Ex Is Truly Done With You
  • Your Exes Rebound Is No Longer A Rebound.
  • They Never Unblock You.
  • It's Been Months And All Of Your Pictures Together Are Still Up.
  • You Can Tell They Are Just Responding To Be Nice To You.
  • There's Been A Steady Decline In The Volume Of Communications Between The Two Of You.
Sep 10, 2021

How do you know if your ex still thinks about you? ›

If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. Another big sign is social media. If they somehow didn't get rid of you via an unfriending or straight block, it might mean they miss you.

How do you know if your ex is Breadcrumbing you? ›

The Most Common Breadcrumbing Signs We See In Real Life
  1. Asking For A Favor Or Doing You A Favor.
  2. They Set A Date To See You And Then Stand You Up Last Minute.
  3. Repeating Your Wants Directly To You But Never Following Through On It.
  4. A Lot Of Talking To You While They Have Another Person They Are Dating.
May 11, 2022

How do you know if your ex regrets leaving you? ›

Here are some of the signs your ex regrets dumping you.
  • They begin to communicate with you.
  • They apologize for the breakup.
  • They show more affection.
  • They discuss issues in their present relationship.
  • They try to atone for past mistakes.
  • They show pessimism when you tell them someone else is involved.
  • They stalk you.
Jul 8, 2022

What are breadcrumb texts from ex? ›

Ex-partners can breadcrumb you, too. You've agreed to end the relationship and move forward, but they keep sending the occasional text or photo along with a “This made me think of you,” or “Missed you today.” These mixed signals can confuse you, especially when you have some lingering feelings.

What are crumbs in a relationship? ›

But have you heard about breadcrumbing? “In a relationship context, breadcrumbing refers to a person who gives you just enough 'crumbs' of attention or affection to give you hope and keep you on the hook — but not enough to make you feel comfortable or assured the relationship is going well,” explains Dr.

What are the red flags for Breadcrumbing? ›

The Red Flags

"[Breadcrumbers] make plans with you but cancel or don't show up, and they seem too busy for you," explains Campbell. "They might even go absent for periods of time." You never know where you stand with them.

Does my ex miss me even though we don't talk? ›

Yes, an ex misses you during No Contact. They miss you because they no longer have what they used to have. Your ex misses you even though you don't talk because they have time to adjust to your absence. This will help them reflect and miss you more.

How do you know she won't come back? ›

18 Signs Your Ex Is Never Coming Back
  • There's no communication. Save. ...
  • Your conversations have gone dull. ...
  • You have been friend-zoned. ...
  • Your ex is enjoying life after separation. ...
  • They have blocked you on all the social media platform. ...
  • They speak ill about you. ...
  • They return all your stuff. ...
  • They avoid your family and friends.
Dec 15, 2022

How do you know if your ex doesn't miss you? ›

15 painful signs he doesn't miss you
  1. You always start the conversation.
  2. He doesn't check how you are.
  3. He's busy all the time.
  4. He seems to be distracted when you're together.
  5. He doesn't give genuine excuses.
  6. Long-drawn-out responses to your phone calls or messages.
  7. He is unresponsive to your phone calls or messages.
Jul 4, 2022

How do you know if she still wants you? ›

She checks up on you online

She may also stalk your social media accounts when she wants you back. She might feel like she needs to know what you are doing and who you hang out with when she isn't around. If she sends you messages online or likes your posts and photos, these can all be signs she wants you back.

How do you know if your ex secretly wants you back? ›

20 Signs Your Ex Wants You Back
  • They Make Attempts To Stay In Touch. ...
  • They Keep You Updated. ...
  • They Get And Want To Make You Jealous. ...
  • They Pretend That They Need Your Help. ...
  • They Keep Bringing Up Your Memories Together. ...
  • They Tell You How Far They Have Come. ...
  • They Keep Checking With Mutual Friends About Your Well-being.
Dec 20, 2022

How do you know if your ex is giving you mixed signals? ›

If you or your ex are texting, calling, DMing, or spending time with each other frequently but say you don't see a future together, that can sometimes send mixed signals. Not only can this be confusing, but it can also make it difficult to truly move on from the relationship, Cullins says.

How do you test Breadcrumbers? ›

Following are some important test cases for breadcrumb testing:
  1. Verify the font and color of the links.
  2. Verify that the links are separated by symbols like > or >> or something that indicates the page hierarchy.
  3. Verify that the breadcrumbs are placed on top of the page.

How do you tell if your ex still has feelings for you but is hiding it? ›

Signs Your Ex Still Has Feelings For You
  • They keep texting or calling you. ...
  • They follow you on social media. ...
  • They don't return your stuff. ...
  • They contact your friends, or their friends contact you. ...
  • They cross your path. ...
  • They get jealous or want to make you feel jealous. ...
  • They are not moving on.
Feb 22, 2023

How do you know if a breakup is permanent? ›

8 Signs that Your Breakup is Permanent

You feel better apart than you did together. ... Your friends and family haven't been the biggest fans of your ex. ... You've already moved onto someone else (or your ex has). ... There is a clear misalignment of fundamental values and life goals.

Do dumpers regret when you move on? ›

Both the dumper and dumpee experience a range of emotions after a breakup. Dumper's remorse doesn't happen in all relationships, but there's a good chance that your ex experiences some uncertainty and regret after ending things.

Do dumpers feel guilt? ›

Guilt: Many times the person who ends a relationship feels intense guilt over causing harm to someone they care about.

How does a narcissist breadcrumb? ›

They do this by using their interactions with someone who is interested in them as a pick-me-up when they're feeling low. Validation: The breadcrumber can use the attention from their victims as a sort of currency on the dating market.

What is manipulation after a breakup? ›

It's a manipulation tactic. It's a way to influence you to continue thinking about them so that they have some level of control over your life. This might be someone who doesn't even want you back, but they want to keep you thinking about them.

Why do narcissist text random things after breakup? ›

Narcissists love using heightened, emotional language when text messaging with others. It's a way they can hook you into their drama and keep you responding to them. You may notice that they often send these texts after moments of disconnection (like after an argument or after you two have spent some time apart).

What is paperclipping in dating? ›

It's called "paperclipping," which describes when an ex reaches out intermittently, not because they're interested in you, but rather to keep you on the back burner as an option. It's similar to breadcrumbing, and it's intentional, often used by narcissists, according to relationship experts.

What is cuffing? ›

"Cuffing" is a term based on the idea of getting "handcuffed" or tied down to one partner. It refers to when people get into relationships during the colder months of the year, even though they ordinarily wouldn't be interested in a commitment.

What is benching in a relationship? ›

What is “benching” in dating? Simply put, benching is when you like someone enough to keep spending time with them but not enough to commit in any given way — situationships included. Instead, a bencher will keep you on your toes by arbitrarily asking you out when it's convenient.

What is the psychology of stringing someone along? ›

Stringing someone along is when you allow someone to believe something that's not true for a long time. Typically, it's in relation to your beliefs or/and intentions. The end result of stringing someone along is almost always hurt accompanied by anger. This is because it's rooted in deceit.

How do you get revenge on Breadcrumbing? ›

4 Smart Ways to Respond to Breadcrumbing
  1. Call them out. Often breadcrumbing is about giving yourself an ego boost, so don't give in to the other person and make them feel good about their behavior. ...
  2. Ignore them. People breadcumb when they're bored. ...
  3. Give them a break. ...
  4. Ask them why.
Oct 6, 2018

How do you respond to being Breadcrumbed? ›

How to Deal With Breadcrumbing
  1. Communicate directly. Be direct if you are trying to pursue a relationship with someone but don't feel you are getting what you need. ...
  2. Stop replying. Sometimes it is best to cut the cord. ...
  3. Talk with a trusted source.
Oct 20, 2022

Can an ex miss you but not want you back? ›

Someone can miss you but not actually want to get back together. They may think you're great, claim to be crazy about you, or miss the things that ensured they got their needs met, but they don't miss you that much.

When we miss someone can they feel it? ›

Definitely, not all people but some people can sense it, especially empaths. An empath or someone you're in sync with can catch your vibrations easily and this can often clue them into what you are thinking or feeling.

Do dumpers miss their ex? ›

In most cases, if you give your ex enough space, they will at some point miss you. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to get on their hands and knees and beg for you back. For some the “missing emotion” can be fleeting.

Who hurts more after a breakup? ›

Despite the age-old stereotype that men are less emotionally invested in relationships than women, a new study has found that men are in fact more likely to experience more emotional pain than women following a breakup.

How do you stop hoping for her to come back? ›

Here's how the experts say you can say goodbye to the false hope of a reconciliation for good.
  1. Be Honest With Yourself.
  2. Go Full No-Contact, Including Social Media.
  3. Give Yourself Something New To Hope For.
  4. Get Back Out There.
Feb 25, 2020

When should I give up on her coming back? ›

Your ex has not responded to your last five attempts to start a conversation. They've been with someone new for longer than 8 months. You've been on a “hard block” for longer than 3 months. You have broken the no contact rule more than 8 times.

What are the signs that someone is not over their ex? ›

Is he ready to commit? 9 signs he's not over his ex
  • Her name comes up…a lot. ...
  • He still seems angry with her. ...
  • He's still mourning the relationship. ...
  • He considers her his best female friend. ...
  • He compares you to her. ...
  • He doesn't bring you around mutual friends. ...
  • He's still close to her family. ...
  • He hasn't given back her stuff.
Aug 24, 2016

How can you tell if someone is really over their ex? ›

Here are some ways to tell if someone has moved on from their ex:
  • There's Respect for the Ex. ...
  • Relationship Lessons Have Been Learned. ...
  • You're Not Hidden from the Social Circle. ...
  • The Ex is Not a Focus of Your Relationship. ...
  • Time to Heal. ...
  • Awareness & Detachment.

Which signs are most likely to go back to their ex? ›

  • 5 zodiac signs that are likely to give a second chance to their ex. Every one of us has committed an almost unpardonable act at some point in our lives. ...
  • Libra. Libras are strong proponents of forgiving others. ...
  • Cancer. Cancer has a difficult time saying goodbye once they become close to someone. ...
  • Virgo. ...
  • Pisces. ...
  • Gemini.
Nov 18, 2022

Can you be over an ex and still think about them? ›

Sometimes, people are still thinking about their Ex for months, or even years after the relationship ended because of lingering insecurities or comparisons they're making — even subconsciously. This is often true when your Ex has moved on before you have.

How long does it take for your ex to realize they miss you? ›

Today we're going to talk about exactly how long it usually takes for an ex to miss you after a breakup. In fact, based on our research you can expect the average ex to begin missing you anywhere between 2.5 to 5.2 months after a breakup assuming you put forth signals that you are “moving on from them.”

How to make an ex miss you psychology? ›

How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup
  1. Do Not Try To Contact Them. ...
  2. Do Not Receive Their Calls And Respond To Their Texts. ...
  3. Reinvent Yourself. ...
  4. Meet New People And Make New Friends. ...
  5. Talk To Their Friends. ...
  6. Check Out The Outside Dating World. ...
  7. Take A Vacation. ...
  8. Be Active On Social Media.
Dec 13, 2022


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